Answering machines

THESE ARE ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES RECORDED

1. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll
leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we’re not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are
my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you
are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I
have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you
can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David’s answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a
“sexy” message, I’ll call sooner!

8. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message
to myself with one of these magnets.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and
their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office
and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave
your name and number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your
name, your number and your reason for calling, and I’ll think
about returning your call.

11. Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like.
Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

12. Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now.
Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we’re probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably
aren’t home and it’s safe to leave a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone
right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes
doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right… real
slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth we’ll get back to
you.


Inspiration from Steve Jobs


Find your Birthday

Birthday Math TrickMATH is also MAGIC.

Try this trick for a change and u will be surprised.

It’s really interesting!

Take the day you were born (Date) x 4
+ 13
x 25
– 200
+ Month of your birth
x 2
– 40
x 50
+ Last 2 digits of the your birth(year)
– 10500

What did you notice?

Isn’t it magic?


Wirite on Sand or Stone?

Two friends were walking through the desert.

During some point of the journey, they had an argument; and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand,

“Today my best friend slapped me in the face.”

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.  The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

“Today my best friend saved my life.”

The friend who had slapped and saved His best friend asked him,

‘After i hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?’

The friend replied

“When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.

But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”

 Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.


Funny Answer Papers


Who is Sonia Gandhi?

Sonia Gandhi : 
There is officially no Sonia Gandhi.
Her real name in passport is neither Gandhi nor Sonia.
Its Edvige Antonia Albina Maino. Sonia is a Russian name and not italian.
However, Antonia is an italian name and her passport is italian.
Though she has married Rajiv Gandhi she never accepted change of title officially.
Recall the time of turmoil in indian politics when Sonia Gandhi was trying to be the prime minister, but ultimately ManMohan Singh became her toy.
Rajiv Gandhi :
He is actually Rajiv Khan being the son of Firoz Khan and Indira Priyadarshani.
Gandhi is an assumed title to sentimentally lure indians for their political benefit.They are muslims by religion.
Father :
Stefano Eugene Maino is socially the father of Sonia.
Her father was a German(Hitlers army). When Hitlers army went to russia they were captured and imprisoned. He was captured near St. Petersburgh and was imprisoned for 20 years. But he became a member of KGB and his imprisonment was limited to 4 years. When he came back from prison he gave a russian name to his daughters. Social father because when she was born her father was in jail for 4 years. Biological father is unconfirmed.
Mother :
Paula Maino.
Family :
She had 2 sisters in Orbassano, Italy
Birthplace :
Sonia claims she was born in Besano, near Turin in italy. However, as per her birth certificate, She is actually born is Luciana, in the borders of Switzerland. A resort town for German soldiers during war.
Education :
She initially put forward to Indian Government that she studied in Cambridge University which proved to be fake.
She submitted an affidavit that she studied english in Bell Education trust at Cambridge.
Even this was proven to be fake and was found she never got any education after class five.
She was a young girl with no formal education living five years in england.
How did she support her livelihood for 5 years? Any wild guesses?
Citizenship:
She has not given off her italian citizenship.
Indira Gandhi used her power to issue her an Indian Citizenship so that she can join Indian politics.
She is holding an illegal citizenship in India.
No action is being taken by Home Minister.
Religion :
Christianity.
Bank Balance :
Rajiv Gandhi and his family owned 2 billion USD in Swiss Bank as of November,1991.
Beneficiary of death of Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi was Sonia Gandhi.
Family:
Sonia’s sister Alexandria(or Anuska) has 2 shops in Italy selling antiques stolen from India.
Sonia used her power to smuggle indian artifacts through Air India flights uninspected.
Rahul Gandhi : 
Sonia’s son Rahul Gandhi, whose real name is Raul Vinci.
He got admitted to Harvard in quota but was thrown off soon because he was incompetant.
He has italian citizenship since his mother never gave up her citizenship.
He cannot officially become the citizen of india or any politician in india as long as he doesn’t give up his italian citizenship.
Arrested in Boston airport for carrying 160,000 dollars cash, accompanied by Veronique (spanish).
Veronique is the daughter of Drug mafia leader.
Rahul has also been accused for gang raping Sukanya Devi, whose petition to all courts in India have been rejected due to their political hold and the whereabouts of the family is unknown.
However, the information is widely available online.
Every Indian Should Know This .

Only general awareness can cure this nation and the corrupt government will never reveal the truth.


5 Deadly Terms used by woman

  1. FINE : This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.
  2. NOTHING : means SOMETHING & you need to be worried.
  3. GO AHEAD : this is a dare, not permission , DO NOT DO IT.
  4. WHATEVER : A woman’s way of saying SCREW YOU.
  5. THAT’S OK : She is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.